December 26, 2010

Christmas was an emotional experience this year. It was difficult to do shopping and with Mom unable to do all that she normally does for Christmas it just wasn't the same. I'm glad we had just one more Christmas to spend together as a family, but it was hard to "celebrate" when we're all so very aware of what is to come in the days ahead. It's just a reminder at how precious life really is and how quickly the life we have and take for granted can change.

It makes my heart sad to remember past Christmases with Mom and then to see how we spent this Christmas, with her in a hospital bed, eyes covered with a washcloth, sleeping though the exchanging of gifts. Mom loved Christmas and loved to see the excitement of everyone when they opened the gifts that she'd so carefully selected for each of us. It would not be uncommon to find gifts she'd bought months in advance and hidden away, eagerly anticipating the arrival of this Christmas. Maybe that will be her way of continuing to share Christmas after she's gone.

I can't even imagine the thoughts that must be going through her mind, as she's very much aware of what's going on. How scary and sad it must be. Fortunately, we all know that in these final days she can have a peace in what lies ahead. We all know where her eternity will be spent and that someday because of His perfect plan we can also have that same peace in knowing that we control where our eternity will be spent. It brings peace and comfort to know Him and know that Mom knows Him, as well. Mom has lived her life as such a wonderful example of what a Christian is supposed to be. She let her actions speak louder than her words. What a great example to aspire to be like. I will forever cherish the lessons she's taught, most often demonstrating her love of God through her service to others. Isn't that what it's really all about? Serving others? I hope that her life has ignited a desire in all who know her to embrace the spirit of Christ in service to one another.

December 23, 2010

What another blessed day we've had! Jimmy from Monroe's delivered us turkey dinners from the plant's catered lunch this afternoon. Then Don and Sandy shared a wonderful gift today. Their son, Vaughn and his girlfriend, Jenny are visiting from Austin, Texas and they all came over this afternoon to share their family with us. Sandy prepared a delicious dinner of spaghetti and meatballs and we all ate together. While they were here we got a little in-house concert and sing-along from Vaughn and Jenny. They played their guitars and sang some songs they've written as well as taking some requests of Christmas carols and Beatles songs. At one point the house was filled with friends and we were all singing together. What a wonderful thing. Our circumstance might cause some people to say that this is the worst holiday season, but because of a little perspective and the beautiful friends we have, it has been the best, most special Christmas ever! I hope that each of you can embrace the true meaning of Christmas and be thankful for family and friends. Don't wish for things that you don't have, just be thankful for everything God has already blessed you with! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from the Millers!

December 22, 2010

Since Mom's diagnosis I have been contemplating getting a tattoo as a reminder of her strength throughout her battle with cancer. In the last couple weeks the thought just kept popping back into my mind and I started seriously considering it. I mentioned the idea to my friend Stevie and then she continued to ask if I'd called about the appointment yet. Last week when Mom made the decision to stop treatment I told her that I wanted to get a tattoo in her honor. I then realized that it might be more meaningful to both of us if she got to see it.

Now to explain the significance of the dragonfly I chose. Mom enjoyed rubber stamping and making all sorts of cards and gifts with her stamps. Her favorite stamp just happened to be this dragonfly. I decided to do a little research on dragonflies and discovered that in Japan the dragonfly represents courage, strength, and happiness. After reading that, I knew that there were no better words that I could use to describe Mom.

I emailed Patty Colebank, at Patty's ArtSpot in Star City on Monday night. She got back to me Tuesday morning, telling me to call the store and tell the receptionist that I'd spoken with her. She was able to set me up with an appointment for next Tuesday, but also put me on the cancellation list. Within an hour I got a call back that there had been a cancellation and she could get me in that day! Stevie went with me and now there's a little dragonfly that I'll forever carry with me to remind me of the courageous, strong, and happy woman that my mother is.

December 21, 2010

Another day and more to be thankful for. We had a little scare this morning, after I left for work Mom had another seizure. Dad had just given Mom her medicine at 8:00 and at around 8:15 she started having a seizure. It lasted about 6 minutes and Dad called 911. By the time the ambulance had arrived she had settled down, but they transported her to Preston Memorial anyway. They ran some blood tests and by 10:30 were ready to release her. Dad thinks her dosage of medicine needed upped a little bit as she is getting a little anxious and that generally has been triggering her tremors. The doctor agreed. The blood tests showed that her platelets have increased to 17,000, which I largely attribute to the transfusion on Friday. Her white blood cell count had increased to 1.5 which is probably due to the injection on Friday.

This evening has been pretty restful for her. We've been well fed this evening with Tina's lasagna for dinner and Jessica provided dessert. Then later tonight we had more friends, Paul & Jenn, drop by and spend a couple hours visiting. Finally, we had a special treat of some wonderful carolers stop in to share their songs and cookies. Axle was unsure of their intentions and proceeded to bark and howl during their serenade. He's just not accustomed to have so many lovely ladies singing for him at the same time! We were again able to celebrate another day of life and friendship.

As this holiday season is upon us, let us not forget the reason for the season and the precious gift we have been given!

December 20, 2010

This weekend has turned out to be a celebration of life all the way around! Justin, Allison, and Echo have been here all weekend. They just left a little while ago to go back home. We've been blessed by several visitors this weekend. Friday evening found the living room full! Our dear friends Don and Sandy Walters have made frequent visits in the recent weeks, but yesterday we finally talked them into staying for awhile to visit and eat with us. They brought lunch and we all ate and watched the Mountaineer game together.

Justin, Allison, and I all went to church this morning. Dad stayed home with Mom as she was resting up all day for this evening, so she could attend the church's Christmas program. My wonderful friend Stevie had made arrangements to come to spend part of the afternoon with us. Today is her birthday and she wanted to bring her mother and share her special day with Mom. While we were waiting for Stevie and Mrs. Lebnick to arrive, Don and Sandy dropped in again to bring us some potato soup. I popped it in the crock pot and heated it up while Justin, Allison, and I whipped up a birthday cake for Stevie. Shortly after they arrived, the doorbell rang again and two more wonderful friends, Tommy & Cathy Robinson dropped by to bring us more food to save us the trouble of cooking. Then, the doorbell again, and Rod & Phyllis Stanton dropped by to visit. The living room was full again and we had soup and cake and celebrated life, a gift that all of us were blessed enough to have at least one more day.

We generally count our lives by years, but when you are faced with what we are facing, each day becomes a precious gift. We have been blessed beyond measure and I am so thankful for the special friends who have not let the fear of death distance them from our family during this time. Cancer has given us a special gift of time. While it will also steal time away, we have had a special opportunity to spend time together saying our goodbyes and making the most of the time we have left. Mom is getting the time to make her final wishes known, but more importantly, she has been able to witness firsthand how she has touched the lives of so many people. She still holding on to ensure that we're all going to be alright when she's gone. I think everyday she's seeing that we are surrounded by people who love and care about us, and while they'll never be able to love and care for us like she does, we will be loved and cared for.

Please know that my door is open to visitors at all times. The time is drawing near and take this as an invitation to come. Dad will enjoy and take comfort in your company if I'm at work and Mom is resting. We're well stocked up in food and your company means more than you'll ever know. Thank you!

December 18, 2010

We had another trip to Morgantown yesterday. That makes a total of 5 since last Friday. Mom was to go every day this week to have a shot in an effort to boost her body's ability to produce platelets. She also had an MRI on Thursday. The trip on Monday was too hard on her and she decided she didn't want to go on Tuesday or Wednesday, not to mention that the temperature was arctic, as well. In addition to Friday's lab work, we also saw Dr. Torres. When he got the report from the blood work, he told us that Mom's platelet count had dropped to 7000, the lowest it's been so far, and that her white blood count had dropped to 1. He thought it best that she be admitted into the hospital for platelet transfusions and a bone marrow biopsy. The biopsy would tell whether or not there are "mother" cells in the marrow, which are the cells responsible for producing the platelets. If there are no mother cells present, the shots she's been taking are useless as platelet production cannot be stimulated. She was certain that she didn't want to have the bone marrow biopsy, but reluctantly agreed to be admitted into the hospital for a few days. As soon as Dr. Torres left the room, Mom had changed her mind and requested that we "make a run for it." Dad and I convinced her that maybe that wasn't the best idea, but she insisted that she didn't want to stay in the hospital. Dr. Torres's nurse, Mary, came in to make the arrangements to transport us to a room, and Mom told her that she wanted to go home. Mary told her that she could do whatever she wanted, and that she would arrange it. Dr. Torres came back, assured her that whatever decision she made was the right decision because it was what she wanted. Eventually, she decided that she would take the platelet transfusion and two shots if she could go home. So that's exactly what we did. We all sat together while she got her transfusion and then we brought her back home.

To sum up the magnitude of the decisions that she made yesterday, Mom has opted to not receive any more treatments and has requested that Hospice be responsible for further medical needs in ensuring that she is comfortable for the remaining part of her battle. She has fought a courageous battle, but she is tired. Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. It is comforting to know that we are not alone during this time and that we have wonderful people to take care of so many things so we can remain focused on what we need to at this time.

December 10, 2010

Mom had another follow-up appointment with Dr. Torres today. He did not have very good news, as her platelets have not improved. He is afraid that the last dose of chemotherapy has damaged her bone marrow and that it is no longer producing platelets. He would like her to have an injection every day for the next week in an effort to jump start the bone marrow, but aside from this he told us that he has done everything he can, and that there is nothing else he can do to help. The social worker for the Cancer Center is going to contact Hospice and they are to get in touch with us on Monday.

Mom's spirits are down and she was more upset this evening than I have ever seen since her diagnosis. She was very tired when she got home, but she ate some dinner and has been sleeping most of the evening. I ask for a special interest in your prayers in the coming weeks. Please pray for comfort and strength as only He can provide in times like these.

December 4, 2010

We've had a busy few weeks since I've updated last. Mom has been home over 2 weeks now and has been holding steady since then. Last night we finished the 9-week course of antibiotics that we've been doing twice a day, every day. Mom is quite relieved to be finished, as are Dad and I. We all went to church together last Sunday for the annual "Hanging of the Greens" service that kicks off the advent season with a special program. Everyone was surprised and happy to see Mom out and about again. After that big outing she rested very well the rest of the day.

She had a doctor's appointment yesterday with Dr. Torres, the first we've seen him since his return from Montreal. Labwork showed that Mom's platelets have dropped to 16,000, so instead of chemotherapy, she had to have a platelet transfusion. Platelets are pulled from regular blood donor donations, separated from the other components of blood. They run it into her PICC line just like any other medication would. She's to return to the cancer center on Tuesday for labs to see how high her platelet count has increased with the transfusion. She got home from her appointment just in time for the Pampered Chef party I hosted last night. I think she had a good time, and again rested very well following the excitement of the day. We had a houseful of great friends, laughs, and tastey treats!

Her appetite has been great, much of which I attribute to the steroids; however, I do think she's feeling so much better just due to having nourishment for her body. We have also been enjoying several visitors over the past few weeks. I'm sure it is very difficult for Mom to be confined to the house and not able to do all the things she used to do, but having so many people stop by gives her a some social interaction aside from Dad, Justin, Allison, and me.